Wednesday, January 16, 2013

In Love in 2013

Happy New Year!

I’m in love.

…see what I did there?  Boom!  Last you heard about such topics from me I was all sad and trying to recover and then I was recovered but then I was all “screw you, love.  Screw you romance and relationships and other such things.  You suck and I totally know that I'm never gonna find it again; that I’m gonna be alone and blue.  So I choose to know I’m gonna be blue and to own that emotion and wear it like a big, shiny, Captain America shield.  Impervious to want!  Immune to loneliness!  What’s that?  Desire?  Never heard of it.  Good day sir.”

(and then love went “yeah, but-“ and I went “I said Good Day Sir!!!” and I totally stormed off.)

I’d been that chick for a long, LONG time so I knew I could do it.  And in my questionable head and heart that seemed to make some weird kind of sense.  Like the time with T.E. was this little vacation from being that chick which the universe had seen fit to gift me.  A bone thrown, if you know what I mean.  Maybe so I’d know what it is I’d always been missing.  Maybe to make the loss and absence more real.  More poignant.  It’s possible I was looking for an excuse to become a poet and thought such blues would make it seem a little less lame. 

And then, probably just to remind me that I’ve pretty much always sucked at predicting the future, the universe threw me such a curveball.  Almost immediately after I stood up and looked my old relationship in the eye and flipped it the bird (finally!) I ran smack into this new guy.  This new, amazing man. 

I have this blog post in my head – have had for a few months – which is the greatest glowing, adoring, gushing letter to this man.  It goes into great detail about the scores of ways that I find him astonishing and impressive and so totally too good for me.  It talks about his sense of adventure and his generosity of spirit and the way that he balances being this rough, masculine manly-man with being this big-hearted, tender, sweet and sensitive companion.  The main reason I haven't written it yet is that I don’t have FOUR SOLID DAYS WITH NO PEEING, EATING OR SLEEPING AND SIX MILLION WORDS with which to write it.  But it’s coming.  You’ll want to clear some time on your calendar to read it.  Mow the lawn later. 

I can’t tell you for sure what 2013 is going to bring.  I’ve got plans; lots and lots of plans.  Probably more plans than I’ve got time to put into place or money to pay for them.  But I knew that 2013 was going to be better than 2012.  It had to be.  I wasn’t going to allow anything else.  Now, pretty much no matter what of my plans comes to fruition, I already know 2013 is going to completely rock.  Because suddenly, out of the blue, there’s this man.