Things that I did today when I was home for lunch.

• Let the kitties in the house (“quickly because now, now, now, what if there is new food, aaaauuuggghhh, noooowwwwww!!!!!” plus little kitty clawing at the locked door to magically unlock it.)


• Let kitties back out of the house (“same food as was in the dish when we left this morning… stupid human… grumble, grumble…”)


• Set the egg timer for 35 minutes, because that’s how much time I have at home once I deduct the time to bike home and bike back to work, and because otherwise I will either forget to go back or possibly fall asleep on the couch.


• Put a microwave pizza in the microwave oven. For my microwavey meal goodness.


• Fall asleep on the couch. But only briefly.


• Let one kitty back in the house – ("any new food yet? How ‘bout now? How ‘bout now?...")


• Flip back and forth between an ABC soap opera and an NBC soap opera, trying to decide which makes me feel less dirty inside when I watch it.


• Give up and watch Tivo’d Scrubs from last night instead.
  


• Push great big, food-wanting kitty off my lap so that I can fetch melty, soggy, disgusting but WARM microwave pizza from microwave oven for microwavey goodness that I will now eat.


• Pause from my eating to allow some skin to re-form on the top of my mouth where now there is only scalding-hot melted cheese. (cry just a little bit – don’t want the kitties to see me be weak.)


• Let kitty number one out of (“stupid human, grumble…”) and kitty number two in to (“hey guys, what are we doing???”) the house.


• Check the mail.


• Throw away the mail.


• Envy other people’s mail, which sometimes contains things other than junk mail and sales temptations from the evil department stores


• Remember that to have other things in my mail I’d have to write cards and letters to other people. Which isn’t going to happen.


• Let kitty number two out of (“there’s nothing fun in here… grumble…”) and kitty number one in to (“How ‘bout now? How ‘bout now?”) the house. Tell kitty number one that THERE WILL BE NO NEW FOOD AS THAT BOWL IS PRACTICALLY FULL OF FOOD AND YOU BETTER EAT WHAT’S THERE BEFORE THERE WILL BE ANYTHING NEW, AND NO AMOUNT OF GOING OUTSIDE AND COMING BACK IN WILL MAKE IT DIFFERENT!!!


• Let kitty number one out of the house.
  


• Let kitty number one back into the damned house. (“this time for sure!”) Weep a little more, but in the bathroom to hide the weakness.


• Finish the Lava and Pepperoni pizza.


• Get super excited when I see both a woodpecker AND a hummingbird in the tree out my window! Very cool! Watch them flit around each other! Wow! Nature happening right there! Take that, Steve Irwin! Take that, Marlon Perkins! I’m gonna take excellent pictures of this and they’ll be great and finally give me something cool to post on my photo blog and-


• Watch kitty number two attempt to get back down out of the tree, having successfully chased all cool bird life away in a completely futile attempt to catch THINGS WITH WINGS.


• Clean up bloody thighs from the punctures left there when kitty number one fled lap, startled by the egg timer that goes off every single afternoon and yet always scares the hell out of her.


• Re-bundle for the cold and/or wet bike ride back to the office. Remind myself that I still have to invent that hat/ear-muff/ski mask combo-thing so I can be famous and also rich. I’ll do that tomorrow for sure.