Wednesday, May 14, 2008


What to do when Mamala Nature takes mother’s day weekend off and leaves you with wet-blanket and terminal killjoy aunt Rainy Pants? I already mentioned games, and also puzzles, and for some there was great joy to be found in the foozball table in the back family room. But when all else fails: FOOOOOD.

But allow me to back-peddle to the weekend before our coast trip, to the entire family sitting around planning the “who brings what” portion of the trip so as to make sure that we do not repeat the ‘weekend of being smothered to deathly death by pile upon pile of TP Rolls while simultaneously having no dish soap or garbage bags (with which we could have fought off the hordes of TP rolls I’m sure!)’ of 2005. And in that conversation we assigned snacks. ASSIGNED SNACKS. Because somebody actually decided that there was some kind of badness to fear from having not one but MANY bags of Lays thick cut potato chips or a MULTITUDE of cookie-foods or some possibility that our weekend would eat up all of the peanuts in the peanut-eating free world.

I understand the planning for the necessities, but let snacks be free, people, chosen of the whim of the shopper as they wander down the aisles of movie candy or crackers or even snacky fruit! One man’s trail mix is another man’s “Thank God I brought a one gallon carton of cheddar cheese goldfish!”

And so, despite our attempts to control and limit and impose our will on the snacks when the weekend arrived the balance of the munchie-consuming world was returned with each non-sanctioned additional back of cheese-powder-covered pretzels and cheap, generic, but still scrumptious bags of “orange slices” candy that was pulled from various bags and bundles!

All these snacks were in ADDITION to the fabulous meals already planned for the weekend. We attack both dinners (Friday and Saturday nights) with small, united forces of family clumps. “you guys are making a burrito bar with nachos and big, mexi salad on Friday while WE make chicken picata, with extra many and extra HOOGE capers and bread and veggies and pasta and CAPERS on Saturday” and hey, pass me that bag of grapes and the dark chocolate M&Ms please!

And lest we forget the culinary star of the weekend/show: the mother’s day breakfast/brunch, which is planned out by all the non-moms (or really is SUPPOSED to be planned out by the non-moms, but it’s just super hard for moms to not get involved! I believe it will be necessary to strap our various moms down in chairs in order to let the kids, dads and assorted non-mothers to do their things completely w/out help.) This year much was made of the need to reel things in a little bit, on account of this thing we were gonna do on the way home and which would require our bugging out early. AND YET still the mother’s day morning feast was eggs made ON DEMAND (as in “I’d like 2 eggs over easy and my friend here will have like scrambled with cheese and these seven dwarves will have seven petite omelets!”) PLUS fresh-baked pecan rolls and croissants and fruit salad and home-baked bread toast and fancy breakfast meat! Never ending, non-stop breakfast foods of good and glorious and WANTON abandon. And a happy mother’s day to you mothers you! And a non nom nom NOMMY NOMMY NOM!

And then maybe? Chocolate-covered orange slice pretzels dipped in cheese-powder and ranch dressing as a post-brunch SNACK!

May 15, 10:47am, edited to add: ALL HAIL THE FANCY BREAKFAST MEATS! I have pined for their bacony, brown-sugary majesty ever since writing this last night. Now I nom, nom, nom my own hand and wish it were fancy breakfast meat. I'll never make it to next May...

…tomorrow: Call Me Ishmael…

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