I have stories for you, my peoples. STORIES!
I am a RABBLE ROUSER!
I am an INSTIGATOR!
I am a HIRED ASSASIN!
(I am also pretty amped. Sorry about that.)
I am loathe to ever blog about my work (having learned at the knee of the wise and powerful Dooce/Heather Robinson) but so overflowy am I with energy I must, MUST share with you. So I’ll just be super vague.
Basically there was a problem here at the office with a boss-ish-type person who was wreaking havoc and being generally more of a problem than a solution, and I roused the rabbles into action! I said (in a dramatic and awe-inspiring tone, which should have had some reverb if there were any justice in the world) that we’d had enough and that something had to be done and that we were the ones to do it! That it was the right thing to do and no better time than TODAY!! That we had nothing to fear but fear itself (which I totally made up myself, but do plan to stitch onto a throw pillow)! That my uncle had a barn, and I had a box of costumes, and hey, let’s do the play right here!!
I should probably consider it a bad thing that I get very jazzed by these kinds of moments. Where others get nervous and flitty and sweaty-of-palm, I find these moments, when the goal seems righteous and the battle noble, to be so enervating! We went to the powers that be and had our smooth, clear, concise say and they listened and they praised our smoothness and our clarity and our concisity (or whatever) and I honestly think they’re going to follow our suggested solution!
I just really like being presented with a wrong and charging into battle to right it. I think I need a dragon and a great, big sword. Don’t you think I’d look completely right on a dragon? And also with a sword? And I need a noble crest with a lion on one side (signifying how I’m lion-hearted and fearless and ferocious!) and a big, flapping mouth on the other side (signifying how I have no idea when to shut up and think that I can say just about anything and sell it, no matter how TOTALLY WRONG a thing it is to say), and with the words “Bring it, Betches!!” in latin (except “betches” probably doesn’t need to be translated because it’s universal). The crest would be purple (stands for purity), red (stands for passion) and white (stands for the creamy filling in a Twinkie. Mmmmmm, pure, passionate twinkie…..) and have wings in the corners to show how free of fear I am AND a parachute or big net to show how afraid of heights I am and also POLAR BEARS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO COOL!
(if someone actually creates a crest for me with these things and sends me the image I will send them a prize. I honestly will. AND I’ll add the crest to the blog. AND THE PRIZE WILL BE COOL! POLAR BEAR COOL!)
Bottom line of all this is that who needs a partner when I’m so amazing and valiant and brave AND humble AND jazzy (my tap teacher even said so last night! I’m jazzy!) and any dude who might come along and think him my equal would have a MIGHTY BIG DRAGON to measure up to!
(also if you have someone who is messing with you? Call me, I’ll totally take ‘em down.)
(and if you, yourself, are a big old bully or such you should LOOK OUT, because I’m comin’ for you.)
(and finally, where do you go to get a super hero outfit? With no cape, of course – they make my butt look big.)