Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My Summer Vacation of MUCH KNOWLEDGE, part 2

When last we saw our hero (which is ME) she was taking a trip from Hippyville down to sunny (sunny, oh so very terribly and tragically sunny, please make the sunny stop) Palm Springs, CA. And this trip was full of knowledge. And now the hero (again, ME) is sharing the knowledge with her bestest internet friends. (which is YOU)

We covered knowledges 1 through 50 in the last post. Now we start this with knowledge number 51! Go, go, trippy knowledge!

51. Billboard seen driving down the street in Palm Springs: "If you must curse, use your own name. -god"
52. There are places along the San Adreas fault line where the earth has cracked open from earthquakiness
53. Along these lines there are these "natural oasis" where water comes up through the ground as if by magic
54. Because of the magical water-features there are also trees! Springing miraculously from the ground! All green and supernatural!
55. This happens in Hippyville too. Only it happens pretty much everywhere. And it's not considered magical at all.
56. It's also why we don't mind the rain here so much. Because rain = GREEN
57. There are actually douchebags in the world lame enough to smoke IN A SWIMMING POOL.
58. Glaring at these douchebags for a really long time, while psychically sending them the message “you are a great, big douchebag and should put out the cigarette that you just almost stuck into that little kid’s eye as he swam past. You douchebag.” doesn’t actually do anything.
59. However there’s no greater rush of pride than when your 12-yr old niece turns to you and says “Man, those people are such idiots.” Before she swims away. (tears of pride welling up at the memory.)
60. Except maybe when your 10-yr old nephew does a cannonball right by previously mentioned smoking tools, thereby putting out one of the cigarettes. (ok, seriously proud tears now.)
61. kids still play duck, duck, goose!
62. But now it’s EXTREME duck, duck, goose, where they run and run and RUN until the millisecond before they get tagged, and only THEN do they sit.
63. Watching EXTREME duck, duck, goose is exhausting. Especially when you remember that they’re running around in 114 degree temperatures.
64. European teenagers are just as full of youthful angst as their US counterparts,
65. and the only way to exercise the European angst is to go online
66. at any hour of the day and night
67. no matter how many other, non-angsty people are waiting for 5 minutes to check their email or WRITE A BLOG POST ABOUT HOW DANGED HOT IT IS!
68. Palm Springs was named after natural hot water springs that the local Indian tribes used for bathing and spiritual ceremonies. (no really!)
69. Not surprisingly, it was only a matter of time before The Man came along and tried to take away the springs.
70. Today those same springs are the center of a great big resort and spa and casino, run by a local Indian tribe and totally raking in the dough from crazy white people.
71. Because sometimes there is a certain amount of justice in the universe.
72. If there isn’t enough wind blowing the fields of wind generators won’t spin
73. This is a strangely spooky sight to behold
74. Great, huge schools of sardines gathering in the ocean off the coast of Santa Cruz begats great, huge flocks of pelicans on the beaches of, and in the skies over, Santa Cruz.
75. A sardine-rich pelican is a happy pelican. (but still goofy-lookin’)
76. The more exhausted you are when you arrive at your latest Motel 6, the more floors you’ll have to climb to reach your room.
77. If you book a Motel 6 room with two beds, even if you tell them it’s for three people, you will have only 2 towels.
78. and one washcloth.
79. However a screen over your large, 3rd-floor window is optional.
80. as is the complimentary fall to your death.
81. Never, ever, ever try to park on the street on the waterfront in San Francisco.
82. The meters charge a quarter for every 6 minutes!…
83. …and the maximum time you can buy is 1 hour…
84. …which is about how long it takes to find a nearby store willing to sell you enough quarters for another hour of time.
85. Segue tours around San Francisco seem like a very cool idea!
86. right up until you’re stuck driving behind them, moving down the street at roughly 4 miles per hour.
87. There are crazy people who voluntarily swim in the San Francisco bay, which is usually about 58 degrees.
88. No matter how hot you are the day before (even if you’re, say, 114 degrees?) this will still not seem like a refreshing idea as you see them go swimming by.
89. It helps a little if you imagine that they’ve escaped Alcatraz (behind you) and are making a mad, swimmy dash for Ghiradelli’s chocolate salvation.
90. Sea Lions are STINKIN’ FUN to watch.
91. Way more fun than watching a street magician hammer a nail into his nose.
92. Even if the magician was careful to clean that nail in alcohol before the hammering began.
93. If you are ever in Redding, CA, be sure to check out the Sundial Bridge at Turtle Bay Exploration Center!
94. A very effective way to keep someone from taking a sneaky, and urgently needed, tinkle behind your building after hours is to post a sign reading “Rattlesnake Habitat”
95. no actual rattlesnakes are required for this to be effective.
96. There’s no such thing as “too many pictures of an outrageous sunset.”
97. It’s important to remember, if you decide to sleep in one morning, that McDonalds stops selling Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuits PROMPTLY at 10:30am on Wednesdays.
98. Also an order of Carl’s Jr. criss-cut fries is not at all the same thing as an order of McDonalds hash browns, no matter how much you try.
99. Calico kitties hold a GRUDGE if you leave them for a week, no matter how cool the house sitter.

Thus endeth the knowledge acquired from this trip. I hope you found it as educational as it was obsessed with crazy-hot temperatures. Now enjoy this sunset picture, number 26 out of 47. (because you can't take too many pictures of an outrageous sunset...)

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