Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Do I always have to be the grown-up?

So mostly I really like being independent. I have this whole life-rule-motto-thing where it’s really important to me that I never be prevented from doing anything I want or need to do just because I’m terminally solo. It was this vow, this creedo if you will, that lead me to carry a 50 lb television up a loft ladder by myself one night because I wanted to be able to watch tv in bed and just because my bed was in a loft, and just because the tv was heavy, and just because I was a single woman that was not going to stop me so BY GOD, I WAS GONNA HAVE A TV IN THAT LOFT! (as it turned out, I had tv and a wrenched shoulder and a big dent in my loft wall. And also Sunday mornings in bed with my NASCAR race and my sleepy kitty. All good.)

Where was I? Oh, right. I’m INDEPENDENT!

Even with my ironclad, bulletproof independence, there are still times when I really wish there was someone else that I could ask to do the stuff I hate to do, or don’t do well. For instance, I really hate to do the dishes, and would LOVE to be able to say “tonight it’s your turn to do the dishes, while I will eat bon bons and drink champagne and watch some girly show with fancy shoes or long, deep conversations about feelings. Tra la la and whee!” I would also say that sometimes about cooking, and sometimes about mowing the lawn. Except less tv shows about feelings about shoes and more NASCAR races. About feelings.

But what I REALLY wish I could let someone else be in charge of is the MONEY. Not that I can’t deal with it, but I just don’t like to. It forces me to be extremely responsible and level-headed and “good”. When really what I want is to BUY! COOL! THINGS! Sigh. Like when I got the first credit card ever, which I didn’t even really ask for and didn’t think I wanted, I was all about “use wisely. Don’t be stupid.” For like 5 seconds, and then it was all magic money that I didn’t even have to earn first, and the fabulous thingies that I could buy with the magic money.

I haven’t used a credit card for close to a decade. And I’m finally closing in on a zero-balance on that one that I did have. Blessed, debt-free nirvana.

I want a laptop. I really want a laptop. MAN do I want a laptop. But laptops are expensive. And good laptops are even more expensive, and then you talk about the nice software to go on the good laptop and now we’re talking serious money in the house that Jack built. Where as most of my money is extremely light-hearted, trivial, silly, even ridiculous! (thanks, Roget!!) But in October there is talk of a bonus at my work. Bonus, which I believe is French for “money that is not already earmarked for rent or gas or bills or anything.”

Money that I could maybe use to get a laptop.

Money that I really SHOULD use to get even closer to that credit card zero balance.

See, this would be the perfect time for me to have some other person who always manages the money and gives me an allowance and balances the wants, like laptops (and I-Phones, which I also want, and a new photo-printer and did I mention that I-Phones are super-cool?) with the shoulds, like credit card balances. (and financial aide, and a couple of kitty check-ups and WOW, did those lame college classes really cost that much? Gah!)

I won’t tell you how this gripping suspense ends. Suffice it to say that if you read a future post where I comment on how nice it is to write while lying in the sun you’ll know what happened. (and also that the weather here in Hippyville is strangely sunny for the fall or winter!)

Wish me strength.

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