Ugh. I’m a very bad friend.
I went to the wedding reception party thing today of a friend of mine whom I will now dub “Kermit”. Kermit is a very cool chica who is my age, my temperment, my style, and just generally very me-like. Me-ish, if you will. Me-esque. A lady I have always felt like could easily be a super-close friend if it weren’t for the fact that she lives over an hour away. (stupid geography.) She got married up in Canada this summer with a petite little “family only” wedding, so TODAY was the domestic, less-Canadian party where the rest of us not shiny enough to trek to Canuklandia could come and say “woo hoo!” and the like.
But instead of woo-hooing like a good friend shoooo-hoould, I waffled back and forth between being annoyed that she got married (because hello, wasn’t that something that we had in common? Being the last single women on the planet? Did I mention HELLO???) and being uncomfortable that I, in fact, now AM the last single woman on the planet. I just kept waiting for that fabulous moment when someone would ask me “so, when are YOU getting married?” so that I could reply with the requisite “SHUT UP YOU SUCK I HATE YOU AND SHUT UP (please pass the turkey rolls) YOU SUUUUUUUUCK!”
This is the second fellow last-single-girl-ever to quit the club this year. You may remember the SUUUUUPER-COOOOL co-worker who got engaged last May (I called her then, and will continue to call her now, Joette Cool, or JC for short)? HER wedding took place last month. (and, big surprise, her wedding was tremendously and absurdly cool, cool, cool. Of course.) For both of these folks I should be very happy and “good for you, getter of a life partner!” but I swear that the petty and crappy part of me can’t seem to get past the part where I resent them for not just staying here, on this desert island of singledome with me. We can make s’mores and braid eachother’s hair! But do they care? No. They want someone to mow the lawn and make waffles and sometimes do sex-things! Sheesh!
So now I’m sitting here staring at E-thingstuff because I came home to find that “Hey! You have a new match! We’re your last chance for partnership because you’re broken and stuff! Click now or die alone under an avalanche of cats! Matchy-matchy-match-match!” I don’t even WANT to find a life-mate-partner-dude through an online matchmaking website. I have long ago decided that would be embarrassing! I mean, why should I even believe that there is any chance?
Other than the fact that BOTH of the ladies who got married this year met their now-husbands on E-thingstuff?
And also there are somehow not just one but six new matches there?
And also I have this tiny little extra pile of money in my last paycheck?