You know how you can tell that someone is your very best friend? When you’re 38 years old and single and still living fairly hand-to-mouth and they keep saying ‘WHEN you have a baby” instead of “IF YOU EVER have a baby.” Because they know that you’re probably beginning to think it’s just never gonna happen, but that thought bums you out because you really would like to have one, so they’ll have faith in you even though you don’t really have the faith anymore.
That’s totally how you can tell someone is your very best friend.
(of course, if they were TRULY your very best friend they’d break into a sperm bank and steal you some grade-A sperm, preferably from one Mr. Daniel Craig or Mr. Robert Redford or Mr. Robert Downey Jr, (but without the crazy drug addiction genes of course) and they’d help you figure out how the hell you get the frozen sperm into a turkey baster and they’d sit there and keep you company while you lie with your ass in the air for a day, hoping that the swimmers have a good sense of direction and a triumphant spirit and “take no prisoners!” attitude. But the other thing is also totally awesome.)
(Love you, Queenie. Thanks for keeping the faith!)