Wednesday, October 25, 2006

And away we go!...

Well, now I've done it. I've actually provided a credit card number to the beast. I'm an official member of an online dating site. I don't want to give the name of the site (for OH so many reasons) so we're gonna call my online match-making website "" Anyway, is now charged with findin' me a man.

I pulled the trigger last night, and this morning I found an email hopping around in my inbox like a new puppy and saying "looky, looky at what we finded!" I lookied and what they found sounds promising (as I'm sure they all will -- everyone looks good on paper when given the right boxes to check!) but has one knock against him right away: no picture. Am I shallow enough to reject someone purely on the basis of no looks? Yeah, I probably am.

Let me explain how this particular site works. It's not like a guy grocery store, where I can browse leisurely through the aisles of men, reading their nutritional and ingredient lists or being attracted (or repelled) by their marketing slogans. No, this is more like a fancy gourmet market, where you go to the nattily-dressed concierge and tell him what you're looking for ("Yeah, do you guys have any white dudes who have a job, treat women with respect and can make me laugh, in stock?") and they check their inventory and bring you anything matching your request ("Hmmm, nothing on the shelves right now, but I think we got a shipment last night so let me check in the back.") In other, very different word: now that I'm officially playing the game I have to sit here and wait for the dungeon master to tell me that it's my turn again.

And so far they've rewarded me with one match. This, my first possible twoo wove, deserves a name. Actually, he has a name but I'm not gonna use it here. Firstly, it's a name that isn't uncommon and therefore if another fellow w/ this name comes along it could get confusing. Secondly, I'm protecting the innocent here, as well as the potentially innocent and even the not-at-all innocent (heck, I'm protecting my own name and lord knows you can't use that word to describe me w/out getting struck by lightening!) and so he gets a nickname.

(also I just love having constant opportunities to come up with nicknames. Winky face!)

And therefore, because I don't know much about him and in honor of a tradition started on Grey's Anatomy, I hereby dub this first dude McFirsty!

Now I gotta decide what to do next. Here are the options open to me:
  • Put him on hold, which I guess means I don't reject him, but I don't communicate either. Why is that a good thing?
  • Close the match, which essentially means "ew, I think you have e-cooties!"
  • Request "FastTrack." This would bypass the in-between steps and go straight to open communication. I'm gonna reject this option just because it uses the phrase "FastTrack." How would that sound in the story for the grandkids? "Gramma was so desperate she rushed to jump Grampa's bones right quick! Another cookie?"
  • Start communicating, which seems to consist of sending him 5 questions, selected from a list of 57 questions, through the site. Apparently these questions are designed to let him woo me with his answers. Here are a few possible questions I could select to find out more about this twoo wove:

"Which of the following indoor activities sounds like the most fun to you?" Sadly, naked Twister or cruelly mocking reality shows were not listed, so how is this a helpful question? Next!

"Your idea of adventure is:" I have no idea what I would want someone to say in response to this question. Sounds like a dangerous road, so I'm skipping it. Still 55 more to choose from!

"What kind of exercise do you prefer?" Too much to hope that one option would just be a picture of the guy laughing...

"Which of the following quirks would bother you most about your partner?" OK, a good question in theory, but since none of the options are "when she is so stubborn that she lets me fall off a cliff rather than admit that she was wrong" it falls short of the warning I'm looking for. For HIM.

...many more options to choose and some of them are potentially helpful. But it feels really odd to be "meeting" someone this way. I think this is how the Terminator and Battlestar Galactica really started -- the machines started with fixing us up and soon they controlled the world!

And I still have to decide if I'm going to reject him outright for having no picture...

1 comment:

Dating said...

Start communicating, which seems to consist of sending him 5 questions.