Feeling really good about that new Yenta.com subscription...

As I promised, I took some time to look around and see if there are any new faces at Yenta.com.

There aren't.

There are some new guys, but they are of the faceless variety. However they do have some very strange ideas of how to promote their faceless selves through their words. Here, for your entertainment and enjoyment, are some tragic and baffling examples of headlines that picture-free guys are using to woo women to their faceless glory (and I've pasted them all exactly as shown in their faceless profiles):


"Why describ it, that would spoil the surprize. Call and find out" This is right up there with "taste it, then I'll tell you what it is." or "pull my finger." Anybody foolish enough to take that one step further deserves the bank-robbing rock band drummer with phantom face and "eats his own poop" breath. Who lives with his mom. And shoots his boogers. And believes the government is out to poison his toothpaste and deodorant... and now I'm showering...

"New in town and kind of bored." So let me get this straight: you're advertising both that you're friendless and also that you're unable to entertain even yourself. Man, I am so hot right now that the M&M's in my pocket are now candy-coated soup!

"Looking for an honest loyal woman who knows how to relax and enjoy life" This sounds to me like a new and fabulous way of saying "I have been screwed over by high-strung women who were lying whores. But now I'm ready to love you." It's hard to believe that this hot catch is still on the market, people.

"quiker, stronger better looking..." but not much of a speler.

"Man who is depressed wants to live again and may have more to offer than is aware of." But no pressure. Even though if you don't love me and make me feel better about myself I will probably drink a bleach/Comet/Jaegermeister cocktail. (and die, by the way.)

"Entropy is the golden rule in life for me." Truly I have no response to that. But maybe it's best that there is no picture here?

"Your mom goes to college." YOUR Mom goes to college!

"love you" Even though we haven't met and I don't trust you enough to share my face with you. Now please loan me some money and/or let me move in.

"Zen Sensualist Embracing the Body Electric" I gotcher body electric right here, baby!

"I want to pick ticks off of you." We have a winner! Candid, straight to the point and no nonsense. All good traits. Plus knows how to handle a wooden match, I would guess! (Oh crap, I think I need to shower again. But first -- heebie jeebie dance. Seriously. SO many heebies and also jeebies...) Can you believe that I have not yet found Twue Wove?