I have such dedication to my craft.
So tonight I went to this woman's group meeting. I'd been hearing about this group of women from a recently acquired new friend (I ordered her from this fabulous discount friends website. Shipping free!) and I'd toyed with the idea of checking it out. Tonight I stopped toying!
I'd kind of created this mental image of what this would be like which I realize now was far too informed by television: A big conference room of powerful looking women in power suits talking on iPhones and Blackberries and movering and shakering all over the place! (No, my new friend never said any of this stuff. I think the entire fantasy bloomed from the fact that some of the women in this group have helped on this other blogging project and it made them seem all diverse and professional. And diverse and professional just automatically translates to power suits and iPhones. I was also surprised that none of them were being played by Heather Locklear.)
I get there and it's this very cool conference room with this very cool view of this VERY cool sunset. And in the conference room are about 7 women all in similar age ranges to me (mid twenties to late thirties, but I'm just guessing and if any of those women ever find this website I want to go on record that I SUCK at guessing ages! You all looked 29 and virginal! Unless you'd rather have looked 32 and worldly! I can go either way!) and dressed like me -- cool and comfy. None of the suits worn had powers beyond ultimate snuggliness. So now I'm feeling like maybe I could mesh w/ these folks.
The topic at hand, as luck would have it, was "intimate relationships" and I rocked my being wise and eloquent. I threw out some of the following deep concepts:
"you're totally right, right up until it turns out you're wrong."...that last one I might have heard somewhere else. But one thing's for sure -- I was trying to be as awesome and together and wise and generous (with my copious wisdom) as I could possibly be.
"A relationship w/out intimacy is like exposing a role of film -- don't mourn the pictures, because you never had them."
"pull my finger."
Never mind that I haven't had an intimate relationship with a dude (other then relatives and charming homos whom I love but gave up on romantically when they married that other dude) in over 10 years.
Never mind that I've been so celebate in the last decade that the entire area has closed up and is scheduled to be torn down so as to put in a Starbucks.
Never mind that up until a few weeks ago I thought I'd lost even the power to be crushy on someone.
Let's just focus on how wise is me.
So I felt a little bit dishonest, but I rationalized it thusly: nobody ever asked me "what's your love life been like?" and if they had asked I would have told them the whole skinny. Heck, it's so much fun watching people's eyes slingshot out of their faces when they hear about my sex life (or sex lack-of-life) that I can't resist telling. I tell strangers on the bus -- a bunch of women sitting around talking about intimate relationships is almost too easy. And yet they did not ask and I did not tell.
I'm gonna go back the next possible Tuesday and try this woman's group again. It was fun, they were cool and I have Tuesdays free, so what's not to like? I have this funny idea that I'll keep going and making a name for myself by sounding all smartsy and such, and then weeks down the road someone will finally, finally ask and I'll spill my figurative guts. And right after that they'll spill my physical guts. So I gotta make the in between smartsy really count!