Wednesday, June 04, 2008

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

My recurring readers (and really, unless I know you personally I cannot FATHOM what keeps bringing you back! For that, and for so much more, I give you WOVE, WOVE, WOVE!!!) will remember that back in December I had some super trips to the dentist. (and by “super” I mean “G-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!!!”). After all the dental visits that I did tell you about I had one a few weeks later which I did NOT tell you about (or did and just can’t find the post anywhere, and how sad is that?) where I went back to my dentist, whom I love very much even though his is a dentist, and he put on my new, shiny, white crown where all the other stuff had happened. And everything after that was perfect, happily ever after THE END.

Except that the new crown (wow, having a major déjà vu that I’ve already told you guys about this. Maybe you beloved recurring readers should go get a soda or something?) didn’t fit right. There was a gap between it and it’s neighbor, which my dentist identified right as he seated the new crown. And he said to me “oh gosh and golly, there’s a gap here which just might collect food. If it DOES just let us know and we’ll have a new crown put on. We’ll keep the molds and we’ll just take this one off and put the new one on and it will be easy-peasy, eggs and cheesy, hip hooray and let’s have cake!!”

Of course what I heard was “this crown is golden and perfect, and if there IS a gap it’s no big deal and you could just buy a bunch of those flossy sword things and there’s no reason to come back at all, maybe ever, ever again amen and thanks for the money good bye.”

Sadly the gap WAS a food collector. I even found myself calling the dentist one day and begging him to SQUEEZE ME IN in order to remove some bit of apple-stuff that was so tightly wedged down into that gap as to be both unflossable and EXCRUTIATING! They took pity on me, got me into the chair that day and proceeded to remove the apple bit, plus endless other bits of food which my good dentist eventually described as “half of a box lunch” crammed in there. This was despite all my flossy good actions! Needless to say at that point the jig was up and I had to admit that there was food cramming issues with the gap and yes, I should just go ahead and schedule an appointment to come in and have the gappy crown replaced.

Oh my beloveds, I did the right thing! (eventually) I called and scheduled an appointment for my new crown! (several weeks later) I drew on my inner strength and my knowledge of what was right and wrong and made the call! (after my Dad called me at work and completely shamed me into calling. Which is the down side of having the same dentist as your parents. And who isn’t above tattling.) Today I trekked to my cheery, always smiling (of course, because his smile is obviously perfect, isn’t it!) dentist for the changing of the crown.

He had told me that it would be an easy deal, but I had my heart broken before, so I still brought my CD player, headphones and a new dental mix (track list below). AND I trimmed my nails so as to reduce the damage done to their armrests! They put back the chair, I plopped on the tunes and they started terrible things inside my mouth. Between songs I heard the phrase “cut it off” and tried very hard to swallow my tongue for a quick death (stupid suction hose thingie!!). Finally, though, they were done and I thought “whew!, it’s almost over!” They plopped on the new tooth, ran floss one either side of it and announced:

“now there’s a big gap on BOTH sides.”


So apparently the artists, the geniuses, the miracle-workers who make dental crowns did the exact OPPOSITE of what they were supposed to do. I attempted to make the argument that maybe these larger gaps would be easier to floss and therefore I could just live with this new crown and please, PLEASE do not make me do this a third time!

I have to do it a third time.

Right now I have a temporary crown in there while they send the 2 wrongish ones back. You guys know about the excellence that is the temporary crown, right? Never bites quite right, feels lumpy in your mouth, tastes like chalk? Yeah, good times. And tomorrow I have to call and ONCE AGAIN voluntarily make an appointment to go back to the danged dentist for what is SUPPOSED to be the third time, and therefore the charm.

Femtastic’s 2008 Dentist Chair Mix:
“Wine Red” (by A Hush Sound)
“Keep me in your Pocket” (by Charlotte Martin)
“Heavy” (by Holly Brook)
“Spinning” (by Anne Heaton)
“Love on the Rocks” (by Sarah Bareilles)
“Headlock” (by Imogene Heap)
“A Dark Congregation” (by A Hush Sound)
“Pigeons” (by Genesis)
“Bruised” (by Ben Folds)
“Every Time it Rains” (by Charlotte Martin)
“Sunrise” (by Simply Red)
“Heal Over” (by KT Tunstall)
“Breakable” (by Ingrid Michaelson)
“When I Grow Up” (by Pussycat Dolls)
“Spinning” (by Zero 7)
“Waiting Under the Waves” (by Kris Delmhorst)
“So Sorry” (by Feist)
“Kalamazoo” (by Ben Folds)

No comments: