As it turns out, I still have hormones.
I still have tingles and sizzles around cuteness.
When gleefully exposed to smokey-good cuteness my insides do all the things insides are supposed to do, flip-flopping and swirling and whee-ee-eeing.
Why do I tell you this? These things that most would consider not necessary? These things that most would say with that "well of course I can count to 10, cross my fingers, blow my nose... why do you ask?" I say this because I'd not been completely sure.
Used to be I had crushes on people. I was the crushiest of crush havers, both on the impossible and possible. I'd get them on tv people, on movie stars, on rock stars. I'd get them on UPS delivery dudes (rock those brown shorts!) and the tech guy I worked with. But I'd get them. And frankly, I'd enjoy them!
I like crushes! They're simple (no need to worry if you should do something because when it comes to crushes you should never, ever do something) and fun (ooh, tingles much like I fell asleep on my hormones wrong and now they've gone all pins and needles!) and remind you that lust is fun and possibly sex might be too -- something to think about someday. Yeah, I'd crush at the drop of a hat. A cute hat. On a cute person, worthy of a good crush.
Then one day it seems like I stopped having them. I became crushless.
I'd still find people attractive, woofy, even hot. I'd still appreciate a solid butt (oh Daniel Craig, newest of the bonds, why can't James spend the entire movie walking in and out of the surf in tight trunks?), good face, stuff like that. But no tingles or racing wows or that goofy grin for no reason except hormones. Crushless have I been.
After a while I figured this is what it's like when there's been nothing hormonal for a while. The system gets used to it, the same way people tell me you get used to not eating sugar or drinking caffeine. (crazy, crazy people who would deny their body these gifts of wonderment because they are crazy and also hate their body and never want to experience the true joy that is an icy, frosty glass of Pepsi. Crazy.) I figured that such an adjustment would probably just make things easier, and that if there was nobody to get a crush on anyway then what did it matter? Best to not be frustrated.
But not so! Because last night there was this guy and guess what -- cute! Guess what else -- crushy cute! Actual shades of smittenness, with little flutters of "oh gosh and golly!" swirled in like fudge! Yes, it was a lovely evening of "ooh, did he just make eye contact?" and "hey there, he chuckled ever so slightly at something witty that I SAID!" plus "why oh why will nobody else mention how awesome I am? Work with me, people!" All in all, a very nice and spicy way to spend an otherwise average Thursday evening. And so nice to get the sizzles back.