Wednesday, November 19, 2008

From wanna-be-Dooce to possible-Douche

First let me just say that I would like to be Dooce when I grow up. Or Joss Jackson. Or Amalah. I would like to be any of these people who write blogs that are beloved by many, and also who are super-amusing writers (and if you are NOT reading their blogs, and you ARE reading MY blog I have to tell you both MMMMMMWAH – KISSES OF LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!!! and also ARE YOU MAAAAAAAAD????? GO RIGHT NOW AND READ THEIR BLOGS! ALL OF THEM! AND READ BACK IN TIME AND ESPECIALLY THAT FUNNY ONE THEY WROTE THE OTHER DAY! (any of them. It doesn’t matter. They all wrote something funny the other day – it’s guaranteed. That’s how good their blogs are)) I would like to be someone who can take/find/make the time to write many times a week (and here’s the big stuff) and HAVE NO DAY JOBS AND HAVE SUPER-INTERESTING THINGS HAPPEN TO THEM ALL THE TIME ABOUT WHICH THEY CAN WRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!!!!!

In other words: I apologize that my lame life is so very lame, to the point where I have to talk myself out of writing about the funny color my poop was the other day simply because it was the most uniquely-noteworthy thing for that day. (but to be fair? Green. It was green. I’m just sayin’…)

Sometimes I see fancy photography magazines where they have this big multi-page spreads of amazing photos of vintage architecture in Venice, Italy or tremendous waterfalls in Australia or lions on the prowl in the Serengetti and these pictures are breathtaking. But of COURSE they are! I think to myself “Heck, I could take breathtaking photos of fancy old houses or waterfalls or lions if I were in these places too!” (me? Petty and envious? NONSENSE! And also gimme your cookie!)

I’m having the same thoughts about these amazing bloggers that I love and read and who’s lives I covet. Because if I were a famous author I would probably get to go to New York and have exciting parties and rat sightings to write about! If I were a super-successful, and sometimes controversial, professional, full-time blogger surrounded by the conservative capital of the nation I could have a fabulous meet-and-greet, IN LOS ANGELES NO LESS, to which I could invite my millions of readers! If I were a brand new mommy I’d have heart-touching stories about my brand new baby and the birthing of same to share!

OK, but then I know what you’ll say next (because I know you, my favorite e-friends so well! And also because you’re MOSTLY imaginary and in my brain); you’ll say “hello??? Matches on E-Melody??? There’s something you could be writing about!! BE WRITING ABOUT THAT PLEASE!!!!” And mostly you’d be absolutely correct. Heck, that’s pretty much 75% of the reason I even do the online match thing! “Lo!” I think, “I will join and I will get matches and I will regale my e-friends with the hilarious and the absurd and “oh my god, can you believe he wrote THIS???” and we will laugh, and laugh, and laugh… good times.”

Here’s the thing though: Mr. Carl might be actually in to this.

Seriously, he responds really fast! Like when I get a question I take a day or two to think about the reply. Sometimes several days. Often a week… But not Mr. Carl. I sent him my three new questions and he replied back in a couple of days! And these aren’t multiple-choice, “click a box” responses this time. We’ve apparently progressed to the essay questions, where you have to craft words together into a paragraph-type answer. These take some level of thought. And he saw the questions I sent and did the thinking and replied right away! RIGHT AWAY!

Which frankly? Is freaking me out.

What is with the enthusiasm, dude? Same time, man, same time -- you don’t know me! (and here’s where the “what ifs” show up) What if he’s chomping at the bit for WOVE? What if he’s looking for wove and mawwiage and all that stuff and FAST, FAST, FAST??? What if he’s thinking “soon there will be dates and love and everything will be SOOO perfect, because E-Melody has assured me that we’re a match. And if it’s on the internet it can’t be wrong” And what if he’s thinking that I’m thinking these thinks too? And what if I’m mostly thinking “ok, I should probably go answer the questions from Mr. Carl so that we can get to the next step in case the next step is chocked full of high-larity, about which I can blog.”

What I’m saying is this: If he’s doing it for the possible wove and I’m doing it for the blogging, does that make me a complete rat bastard? Because while I love me some writing, I don’t want to be stomping on anyone’s feelings in the process.

Your thoughts? Anyone? Anyone?


Bridget said...

Doesn't matter if you're doing it for different reasons, just that you do it! Seriously if you don't keep on the path with him I'll stop reading!

Anonymous said...

Keep at it. You can be one of those writers who can spin tales (you know, based on a true story, but not necessarily a TRUE story). Maybe you will find - ahem, was it "wove" - AND hilarity. You deserve happiness (especially after putting up with all this online and speed and other datingness), both of the laughter kind and the wove kind.