I answered questions. I am a question answerer. Erer. Er.
The Question Man we will now call Mr. Carl. For no reason other than I’m sitting here watching a NASCAR race and the guy for whom I’m cheering is Carl and so Mr. Carl it is. Mr. Carl asked me 5 questions, as is the way they roll at E-melody. His questions were these:
1) What kind of exercise do I prefer?
I wanted to say that I prefer to not need exercise, and to be skinny and pert anyway. I wanted to say that I prefer to go dancing with fabulous packs of fierce homofexuals, no boyfriends allowed. I wanted to say that I would vote for any presidential candidate who can promise me a completely exercise-free method to be both trim and also fit. But that seemed like a lot of crazy right up front, and also you shouldn’t talk politics on the first ‘date’. So instead I told him that I’m a tap dancer. Because he should get at least a little of the crazy up front, right?
2) My idea of a romantic time would be:
OK, so this is tricky because I don’t respond well to the idea of a romantic time. I tend to roll my eyes and bite my lip and here my own voice yelling “lame!! Laaaaaame!!!” at each lighted candle and Celine Dion song. But didn’t we just decide that the crazy needed to be spread out over time? So I simply told him “You show me your favorite movie and I’ll show you mine.” Because just saying “show me yours and I’ll show you mine” was dangerous.
3) What style of dress do I prefer?
Danger, Will Robinson! Of the 4 pre-crafted answers I could pick from I decided “I dress for the occasion” was sufficiently non-committal. I’m hoping that, inspired by my answer to number 1, he’ll picture me in white tails and top hat, black cane and surrounded by Busby Berkely girls.
4) Would I rather date someone who is:
This question is one I have also sent, because it touches on the issue of time. How much time do you want? How much time will you need? If I never have any time for you at all will you WHINE ABOUT IT? I told Mr. Carl that I would prefer someone who is busy, with a structured scheduled, where I would know what days they will be available for fun. Mostly because he’d better be looking for someone just like that. Because I have an important blog to write, and he’s gonna have to wait his turn!
5) How often do I find myself laughing?
This is where I get a danged trophy for NOT answering “every time I read the profiles of dudes who match me on E-Melody!” I was swimming in self control. I was careful and forward thinking, and I, as it turns out, was not going to sabotage things instantly after all! After such impressive willpower I felt I should immediately go to the living room and eat every last bit of Halloween candy in the bowl. But first I needed to give Mr. Carl some kind of answer, so I picked the almost-honest “I crack myself up!”
Once I sent these answers to Mr. Carl I was then instructed to send him some of my own questions. I was there, the mountain was showing me it’s big, mountainy butt as if to say “bet you can’t climb me!” so I capitalized on my momentum and 5 sent questions:
1) When in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally find you need?
Most questions have 4 answers to pick from, plus the option of "other" and you write in your own response. The options for this question were:
- I don’t need personal space; I like together time.
- time spent at work is enough personal time and I wanna spend the rest of the time with my partner.
- I just need one night a week of personal time and the rest with my partner
- when I’m with my partner I’m completely there, but I do need personal time for reflection
Sadly, this is a trick question because none of these work for me. I’m looking for that one guy out of twenty who writes “look, I’ll call you when I call you. Back off, will you? YOU’RE SMOTHERING ME!!!”
2) Which of the following scenarios would make you more nervous?
- making a presentation in front of 500 people (because apparently I’m looking for someone not afraid to start a pyramid scheme?)
- taking a long car ride with someone you just met. (isn’t this how most episodes of “Without a Trace” begins?)
- talking about your biggest fears with your lover. (Or being involved with someone who wants you to call them “your lover.” Ech.)
- meeting with the president of your company (…ok, that has potential for being scary…)
3) On Saturday night, would you rather go to:
I won’t even give you the options here, because the only bad answer would be if they wrote in “bed.” (unless they mean it in the dirty way. Except that would be “ew!”, so I’m still opposed to the answer “bed”.)
4) What is your opinion of traditional gender roles?
OK, if you’re a guy this has to seem like a complete trap, right? And it is! Instead of the normal 4 possible answers this one just has 3, and they’re basically “loves me some Donna Reed!”, “loves me some Sarah Connor” or “pass.”
5) Outside of a romantic relationship, are you competitive?
Translation: can I play RISK with you or not?
I sent these questions to Mr. Carl, and since I was on a productivity roll I sent them to all 4 of the other matches too. Lookit me, sending questions out like I’m actually looking for wove. Who IS this woman?