Friday, February 13, 2009

Mmmm, yummy chalk.

Saturday is that day every year where people in any kind of love (from new, shiny, yet-to-be-crushed love to aged, mature, slightly stinky like a fancy cheese and with Ye Olde Lettering on it love) to feel totally superior to the rest of us. Not that many of you DO, and what’s up with that anyway? If I were ever in love on Valentines Day I’d wear a shirt that says “I’m totally in love – don’t you wish you were?” and gold shoes with Cupid’s wings on the heels.

Still, I respect the restraint that you loved ones show we, the lonely masses. (also the name of my future rock band, by the way. “Hello Cleveland! We are the Lonely Masses! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK????” Awesome.) Here’s my lack of restraint:
  • Number of heart-shaped chocolates I’ve been given so far: 3
  • Number of chalk-flavored heart-shaped candies on my desk today: 45
  • Number of flower delivery guys who came to my desk looking for someone else today: 3
  • Number of spamails that I’ve received this month about Valentines Day: 12
  • Number of these spamails that are specifically for “enlarging” things for the holidays: 3
  • Number of little kids valentines I’ve received from co-workers this week: 4
  • Number of temporary tattoos from such a valentine that I’ve attempted to stick on my arm: 1
  • Number of tattoos that actually stuck on my arm: 0
  • Number of excellent little kids that I’ll be baby sitting on Valentines day so that their parents, who are in love with each other, can go see a movie and have smooch dinner: 2
  • Number of bits of dirty underwear I’ll be wearing under my babysitting clothing: 14
…after all, it IS Valentines Day, people!

And finally? Here's what my chalk-flavored, heart-shaped candies said to me today:
  • I ♥ you
  • Stir my ♥
  • lover boy
  • to
  • sweet love
  • my (mushy word, probably man?)
  • Angel
  • cool
  • Awe Some
  • Mushy word, probably Love?
  • nice iru
  • spice it up
  • real love
  • my treat
  • how race
  • lets kiss
  • on
  • love him
  • dream
  • sugar fir
  • go grrrrr
  • marry me
  • sugar die
  • ugahhhhhh
  • sweet talk
  • be fine
  • ask
  • top chef
  • real gu
  • get real
  • (blank)
  • only
  • sugar pih
  • my girl
  • ♥ of golf
  • ANID
  • dear one
  • mine
  • top
  • my man
  • my arv
Here's hoping that you all eat your own fair share of chalk-flavored, heart-shaped candies while wearing secret Valentines Day underwear and reading your dirty Valentines Day Spamails!

No comments: