Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Birth of a Euphamism...

So yesterday you met Beautiful Dreamer, she who blazed the online dating trail for me. And by that I mean that it would never, ever have occurred to me try this in any way, shape or form if I hadn't had a chance to watch her do it a little. Not because she made it look fun -- she made it look crazy -- but because she made it look manageable. Even if the way she managed it scared the crap out of me!

Anyway, B.D. continued to try various avenues and found a few Mr. Maybes, some Senior Possible and the odd "Nonononononono!" Then she did something way, far, far away from what I would do: she decided to pursue only dudes who are very in to being religious. Through that avenue she found somebody who matches her quite nicely. It's been a couple of months and they're having much fun, and I'm very pleased both that she may have found the catch she's been casting for (but without that fishy smell) and also that she survived all the previous fishing until she landed him!

But here's the thing: this fellow takes many things very seriously (as is his right!) and one such thing is S-E-X. Now in general I'm in favor of giving sex a certain amount of gravity -- I think there are plenty of people out there treating it with the same regard as flossing (or maybe less regard!) However he lost me with this: he told B.D. that when he does finally have sex with someone again (having been divorced in the last couple of years) it would essentially mean that he considers himself married to this person.

Yeah, I don't get it either. I know this: it doesn't mean he won't "do it" until marriage, nor does it mean that he'll give you a ring if you let him go there, or that there will be a really big party to celebrate right after you're finished. All I'm sure of is that it's a very big, serious deal for him. Somehow important like marriage is important. And a sign of a level of commitment or something. I'm a little confused as to which comes first: the commitment or the act. Is he saying "well if we ever have sex I'll end up feeling super-duper committed to you, just so's ya know." or is it more "you ain't gettin' none o' this foine divorcee booty until I think I could lock in the deal, baby!"

I also know this: it's an excellent new euphamism for sex. Each morning after B.D. has had a successful date (which, for a nice change of pace, often takes place in a populated location with witnesses and pepper spray!) I get to ask her "so, did you guys "get married" last night?" So much more classy then my previous, which was "So, Baum-chikka-bow-bow last night?"

Also it makes me seem romantic when I say "I hope some day to get married," while all I really mean is I hope some day to baum-chikka-bow-bow at least once more before I croak.

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