Friday, February 02, 2007

Level of slutty from 1-10:

I'm at about a 7?

(note: this post will be scattered w/ song names, showing how cool a Risky mixed CD is. I'm rockin' out to a compilation called "For the Next Disaster", shuffled of course, and it's jamtastic! Current song: "Steve McQueen")
Yenta and I had our first date last night. She asked me all sorts of questions about myself, just trying to understand who I am as a person. It was all like thisy:

Y: So, what do you like to do in your free time?

F: I enjoy making jewelry, reading Joshilyn Jackson books, making mixed CDs and crochetting.

Y: You are looking to attract a GUY, right?

F:.....I read comic books, play video games and paintball, shoot things and bake brownies. To give to other people. And I'm really easy to please in bed. And I honestly think size doesn't matter.

Y: better.

("Staple it Together", Jack Johnson)

The Queen helped me, to make sure I didn't write anything too lame, and together we filled in the stuff that I HATE to write. These long, terrible paragraphs which are supposed to tell everything about yourself. I kid you not, one asked me to write "what defines me as a person." Am I wrong to think of this as a pretty tall order? A heady concept to try to sum up in 4000 characters? Aren't there Bhuddist monks out there meditating on this kind of concept to the distration of everything else? Perhaps you'd also like me to fill y'all in on why we're here, and a little chat about the meaning of life?

("Shake Your Lovemaker" ala Cherry Poppin' Daddies)

Such a big question makes me want to answer in the simplest of ways. What defines me as a person? The Muppets and Daffy Duck; Cheddar Beer Kettle Chips and Hostess Cupcakes; dust-free kitty litter and bird poo on my car shaped like Pee Wee Herman's head. I am defined by the fact that Princess Stinkbutt cannot identify me out of a crowd. Even a crowd of 3. By the fact that there is a song running through my head at all times. ALL times. I'm defined by all the movie quotes that I can't forget and the math formulas I can't remember, and by every time I added a "Dammit!" to someone else's rant. because trust me, the rant needed the big finish. (dammit)

("Give me Novacaine" ala Green Day. Greenday? Dia Verde!)

Anyway, of all the challenging questions asked by Yenta, the one that stumped Queen and I equally was this one:
Your dating headline. (defined thusishiously: "the only chance people will have to hear your “voice”—your personality—before they decide to click for more" Essentially the one and only one thing that will wrap you all up in pretty jewel-toned w/ foil accents wrapping paper, glittery ribbon and voluminous bow. But no pressure.)

How long could it take to come up with one witty, yet not too full of oneself, but descriptive, and also to the point, and not repetitive of your details and also sure to catch the eye of your soul mate and cure cancer and create world peace and a delicious, low-carb, low-fat drink that won't rot your teeth? So much longer then I'd like to admit. We read their helpful(less) hints, including things like "don't tell them where you are because they already know that," and "don't be boring or cliched" and "do something unexpected to catch the eye." and we both agreed that they deserved a big helping of "WELL DUH!"

("Beijing" by some rockin' chick named Melissa Ferrick)

We considered movie quotes. Tell me, would you be attracted to someone who's headline was "Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles..."? How about "Do or do not. There is no try." I know that one would bring in all the single geeks in the area. And I could be their queen! We looked through some that other people were using, and I decided quickly that I would not be using the words "Playful", "Open" or "Flexible". Finally I went with this:

Daffy Duck seeks her Bugs Bunny.

If he's out there and he sees it, he'll get it. And such a guy I'd definitely consider!

("Nugget" from my friends Cake)

Coming Next: the pickings and just how thick or thin they are...

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