Thursday, February 15, 2007

Math and Science, Part 1 - Math

By now you guys know that I was born with an over-abundance of opinion and thinkyness. Many have tried to perscribe treatments to cure me of this overage, but so far I've been totally resistant to all cures. The result, as you so well know, is that I talk out of my ass constantly, railing on and on about things that I think or feel.

But what works even better, have found I, is things called facts! Knowledge supported by this stuff they call data, which has much more credibility (apparently) then just "because I said so and shut up, you!" Now, getting bonafide data for the kind of crap I've been writing about is not easy. Seriously not. But all of the sudden a holiday like Valentines Day comes along and reports and studies come dropping from the sky!00

Today we're covering some math knowledge: according to a study done recently by my tiny local newspaper it turns out that the lack of mateness that I'm experiencing here is totally not my fault. It's just a matter of the math. My city has more than it's fair share of unwed womens!

The study says that there are 60% unmarried women in my town (even the town is innocent enough to need protecting, so I'll just call it Hippyville), compared to the national average of 48%. They had many reasons why this would be:

  • we're a college town and ejamacated womens don't tend to need mens to care and feed them quite as much, so they don't get quite so married.
  • we've got a higher-than-normal lesbian population (hmmm, maybe I am being too picky?...) and though LORD KNOWS the lesbians would love to be part of the married population, we all know that such a thing would cause an end to the world as we know it, as well as a serious down-turn in the sale of women's razors, a run on sales of CDs by KD Lang, Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls and plagues of locusts.
  • We liberated lady-types don't always marry those we hook up with, so many of these women may be in long-time, committed relationships that just don't happen to include licenses, blood tests, salad shooters and gravy boats. (toot, toot!)

But for me I'm just focusing on the numbers. Especially these numbers:

"There are 7,000 more unmarried women then unmarried men in the city of Hippyville..."


So I guess I need to start finding these 6,999 other non-married women (or, as I shall now call them, NMWs) and talk them into marrying those I don't want (also known as the population of and possibly or into moving away. Hey, I hear things are nice in AnywhereButHereburg!

Tomorrow: the science.

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