Thursday, May 31, 2007

Day after cranky, where now I am zen-cool

OK, the only good thing about a day of crankitude like yesterday is that the next day my irritation tank is pretty much empty. It will take me 2-3 days to charge it back up, so now I'm super cool. I'm Zen cool. You could poke me with a paperclip and I'd be like "cool. Look, there's a tiny spot on my arm now. cool." and maybe I'd even nap a little. (also I post things off-mission.)

I brought in to work cool music to listen to on my headphones. (that's how I can listen to any music that I want here at the office w/out worrying that someone else might not be in the mood for the Ramones or the Violent Femmes -- I have headphones on my head. It's my music, and my music alone.) So right now Prince is telling me all about the rosey-colored hat his sweety wore that one time it rained. Pretty soon he's going to explain to me what he does or doesn't need from a girlfriend. Rumor has it that being either rich or cool is not required. I'm cool anyway.

I decided to have a bagel and red delicious apple (the only kind of apple that tells you how good it's gonna taste in the name -- it's delicious, people!) for breakfast, which is different then yesterday or probably tomorrow, because usually I have a Pepsi and 3-4 handfuls of Cheddar Cheese Baby Goldfish crackers. But bagel plus apple equals coolness, so that was today's breakfast.

I took a little break this mornin' and wandered out to commune with nature. In this case the role of "nature" was being played by a duck couple that hangs out in the bushes by our office (they're the best version of love, people. Ducks should so be the international animal ambassador of love! Screw swans -- they're mean and have hidden secret bird teeth! However I'll cover the duck=romantic thing in some future post.) and a cat that I think wanders down the river bike path from a rich person's house to look for free-range critter snacks. They entertained my visit with much generosity. I think they could tell how cool I am.

There was this guy that I had to call because my boss said "hey, could you call this guy and ask for this thing?" and when I first called I talked to his assistant, who faxed the thing right over. But I had to call back because the thing she faxed looked like a draft copy and when I called back the actual guy answered. (with me so far?) So anyway I explained to him why I was calling and "gee, Mr. owner of the little local business-guy, could you have your assistant send the finished copy some time? No hurry." and he was totally ass-hatty and pissy and told me to have my boss (you remember him -- he's the guy that asked me to make this call in the first place?) call him back. And the reason why? "Because I told you to tell him to call me back." Because I told you to. Like I'm 5 years old and I've asked him "why?" 60 times in a row and all he's got left is "because I told you." SUPER jerky asshat.

Yesterday I would have excused myself for a quick errand, where I would have driven to his office and set fire to all the fancy cars in his parking lot. (because I don't know what car is his, but I know it's fancy and probably black with some kind of asshat ego plate like "culr thn u" so if I burn them all down I get him for sure.) But yesterday I was not cool or Zen at all. Today I'm cool. Today I feel sorry for him that he's so not cool and feel even more sorry for his family since I bet he's always an asshat and I was only super-not-cool for yesterday. (and just a little bit I hope that a duck craps on his head while flying over him today.)

So I'll try to finish that other post again today, because even if it does commit suicide for a second time I should be able to take it in stride. Because I have the reserves to absorb such annoyances today. Today I am keeping my lunch soda frosty in my armpit. Today I am Samuel L. Jackson's pen pal. Today I am friends to the animals and the Prince. Today? I am cool.

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