Friday, July 20, 2007

It's not a decision, it's a calling. A very bad calling.

I know the goal for this blog was the pursuit of wove, but now I realize that's not my destiny. No, I'm going to be a crazy cat lady instead! I'm already well on my way, and the way it's just kind of falling in my lap makes me realize the ugly truth of crazy cat ladies: nobody chooses to become a crazy cat lady. The cats choose you.

I have 2 kitties that I picked out. I went and met and loved and bonded and brought them home and now they're my bestest little kitty roomates who I love tons and tons. I didn't think 2 cats was excessive!

Then there was Junebug the Wonder Kitty, who came prancing out of the wilds right to me and said "I am for you James Kir- er, Femtastic!" I found her another home and thought "whew!, glad that worked out!" and figured that was a bullet well-dodged! Sure, there was this other stray cat that had come around my house a couple of times, but I didn't know for SURE that it was homeless! Besides, my neighborhood has a ton of houses with all sorts of lovely people who I know will give this sweet little grey kitty a home. I did my part w/ Junebug already, so I'm off the hook. Seriously, off the hook. See that hook there? I'm totally off of it!

I kept saying this over and over, even as the little grey kitty came around more and more. Even as I caught her in the house once eating my kitty's food. Even as I started to put kibble out for her (as I finally determined) on the corner. (I put the food on the corner so as to try to create a difference between my house, and the kitties who should be there, vs. the food that magically arrives on the corner. Except that even the brain of a kitty figured out that the food came from the house closest to the corner.)

I talked to my local shelter to find out how I could bring Grey Kitty to them, since I knew she'd get snapped up in a heartbeat since she's cute and small and sweet and oh so endearing, and I had to care for her for 3 months before they could take her. (It's this whole jurisdiction thing, very complicated and stupid but oh well.) So I kept feeding her for the last 2+ months and I was gonna go ahead and take her in because having her camped in my carport was very stressful and confusing for the kitties who felt like they should be defending their territory. "Hey you, other kitty, get the heck away from my- is that my person bringing you food? What the?" and like that.

Yeah, I was all set to take Grey Kitty to the shelter last week, but things were too dang busy. No problem, though, because I'll take her this week! Sure! I'll take her, and hey what's that coming out of the bushes after her? Well crapville, there's a little grey kitten! And look, it has a sibling! Grey Kitty has been hiding a couple of kittens this whole time, and now I have ALL THREE of them camped out in my carport!

I can be strict and heartless with a stray cat and set rules about "you go out of my yard now, kitty, because you are not my kitty and my kitties live here and see how I show them with my actions that I love them the mostest and that I'm just not wanting you to starve to death? Because you are NOT my kitty!" But you can't do that to kittens!

So as of right now I am feeding and caring for, at least in some way, a total of 5 cats. FIVE CATS. From two to five in a week. Because the universe has a very sick sense of humor and also because I am a spinster and we're where the cats go. We have some sort of subsonic hum that can only be heard by single men (very off-putting; sends them screaming in the other direction) and stray cats. They'll be coming out of the bushes in packs soon.

I must confess that I had a hint of my destiny before. Back when I first posted about my new kitties I got an email from some folks inviting me to become a cat blogger. Apparently there is a whole culture of people who spend their creative energy writing only about felis domestica. And they saw me as a future crazy cat lady, who would eventually need somewhere to channel her crazy cat lady energy. Why not a blog where I talk about all of my cats? I think it will go something like this:

June 12, 2013:

"Today Junebug the third made her first dooky in the new litter pan. We were all so excited and proud of her!

We threw the traditional dooky party with Fancy Feast cake and mouse-shaped liver snaps (for the kitties) and puffy Cheetos and Vodka (for me), and after we'd all sung the dooky-dooky song to her I turned on a Top Cat DVD and napped while they watched. Except for Sturgeon, of course, who is still grounded and not allowed any tv while he's thinking about why it's not ok to sharpen your claws on the waterbed.

Tomorrow Sarabell, Winkerswise, Big Sue, Little Sue, Steven and I are all having our monthly tea party. I'm baking fish-shaped nip cookies as a special treat, and it's Steven's turn to pick what style of hats we wear. I'm looking forward to it, because he really does have excellent taste in hats.

We also have to vote on EstherKay's application to join the Tea Party club. I know she's fun, but sometimes she has impulse-control issues..."

...I guess this weekend I'll need to shop for a large plot of land, a double-wide trailer to move to the land, a bulk-deal on litter pans and some teeny-tiny fancy hats... help!

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