Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Good, solid advice

OK, so some of you out there may be starting new jobs, like I am, and you want to start things out RIGHT. And I applaud that! Starting things out right is highly underrated! There are all sorts of good lessons that people just don't think to learn, and that will help you with the starting of things out-rightly!

For instance, be sure to learn people's names as soon as you can.

Oh, and try to take notes, lots of notes.


Oh no, you would never do that. Only a complete idiot would let themselves develop any kind of flitty, heart-poundy headrush just because a boss-type-person comes up and grabs their hand. Only a COMPLETE idiot. Because how dumb really? Dumb like "ooh, look, a fan! What happens when I stick my tongue into the blades? Surprise and horror -- it hurt? Wow, so not expected!" dumb. Like "hello Mr. Fork, please meet the insides of Mrs. Toaster!" dumb.

You, my smart and sensible friends, would never catch yourself looking way too deeply into some handsome boss-type's eyes just because he's looking right back at you (a little too intensely) and then realize that the last part of what he was saying was something you should have been writing down and weren't and now you have to come up with an excuse for why he needs to repeat that part since you were, after all, STARING RIGHT AT HIM, SEEMING FOR ALL THE WORLD TO BE LISTENING TO EVERYTHING THAT HE SAID! No, no, no you would NOT.

What else could I suggest for you and your out right starting of things? Well, it’s good to ask questions, lots of questions. Be sure to start off as organized as possible. Be optimistic – everyone likes the cheerful Charlie.

I saw that! Not EVERYONE! Bosses on whom you should not be crushing don’t like cheerful Charlie, or maybe they do, but even so you should be crush-free there! No crushes, none! No crushing in the workplace at all! That way you won’t meet someone and think they’re crushy and get intrigued and then find out “oh yeah, that guy? That’s someone who is kind of a boss of yours. Yeah, he is nice, isn’t he?” and then have to boil your own head.

You already know that smart, handsome, friendly boss-types are going to be married anyway, and probably with kids or something, and so even if they weren't a boss-type (and therefore totally off limits anyway) they'd STILL be a foolish choice for crushing upon. Because you are smart and wise and don't sit around thinking up new and marvelous ways to make your life even more absurd and (I may have mentioned this, but because it bears repeating) DUMB, DUMB, D-U-U-U-U-U-U-M-B-B-B-B!!!!

Oh, and be sure to wash your hands. Because at least you have your health. Good luck with the new job!

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