Thursday, November 16, 2006

Goes around, comes around.

Man, sorry for bringing the room down like that. But if I can't be honest to the point of sorrow with you, my bestest of unknown mystery friends, with whom can I?

So, where were we? Oh yeah, I was rejecting someone completely out of hand. And trying not to feel like crap for it. If anyone missed episode one of this saga, there are reasons. Good reasons. Not at all shallow reasons, and I'm sure this is the right thing to do. Now I just gotta do it.

When last we saw our hero (psst: that's me) she was pushing the button marked "Close Match", figuring that would be that. But oh no, me hearties, there's more!

First, you get yet another fabulous list of options. Lists are very big at wove.com. They have lists for what you want from a mate, lists of what you are like, lists of your faults; then you get to being matched and there are more lists, for the questions that you want them to answer or the steps you can take. OR the list of 18 different reasons why you're ditching a match. 18. I'm not sure which was more surprising: that there were 18, or that there were only 18. Some of my favorites were:
  • "I don't think our Must Haves and Can't Stands fit." -- I had to read that sentence like eleventeen times before I understood it.
  • "I'd rather not say" -- a secret rejection? How french!
  • "Other" -- I'm going to close out a match with "other" some time just because it tickles me. (and right after that I'm going to hell)
But what to pick for this guy, my first rejection? Sadly there was no "Because of my passion for maximalism," so after sorting through that list it seems like the closest one to the truth would be number 13, "I think the difference in our values is too great." But what I've learned from my own experiences (yes, that's plural -- it's been a big week!) is that you should try to figure out what that will sound like to the person you're rejecting when they don't know the specific thing that sent you away.

After all, "difference in our values" could mean "I close this match because friendships are important to you and hate friends!" or "I'm offended by your desire to help those less fortunate then you. Jerk." So I'm reading every question and trying to decide how it could be misinterpreted. (it was either this or washing my hands, washing my hands, washing my hands...)

And then that smart little voice in the back of my head, the one normally drowned out by the Smurf song or dirty limericks, pushed through with this noble, poignant thought: "Ahem... Are you kidding with this? You don't owe him anything -- you have no relationship with this person at all and he's going to live beyond your stupid match! Seriously, how important do you think your opinion of these people is to them? Wow, no wonder you always wear button-up shirts -- you'll never get that massive melon through a head hole!" (give me a moment, I must dry my emotional eyes.)

OK, so "crappy, minimalist-loving values" it is. I shall now click that box and see what comes next...

Nothing! Rejection delivered. So we're down to 2 guys. 2 guys who may or may not actually exist. 2 possibly fictional, pictureless guys. Yeah, this online matchmaking thing is totally awesome.

1 comment:

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