Tuesday, May 15, 2007


Previously on Unlikely In Love...

Femtastic: Oh crap, I have 24 hours to decide if I want to do any more Yenta.com. Help me, readers out there, help me!

Readers: Keep going, you can do it, don't give up the dream, if you don't love yourself then how can anyone else love you, never let them see you sweat, you're soaking in it, etc...!

Femtastic: Wow, I'm so glad that my readers came through with their suggestions. My readers are awesome... I'm gonna cancel Yenta.com...

And now, Unlikely In Love, Season Finale Cliffhanger episode, now with more "Wowsers!!":

Femtastic: Yeah, even though the readers who had an opinion had the opinion of "don't stop yet, and maybe even make those marketing bastards at Yenta.com come through with the 6-month free service!" I'm still gonna cancel because funds are tight (damn you, Uncle Sam! And also your friend the cracker of heads in Ford Escort station wagons! And the gas companies too! rant, rant, rant...) and because I'm just not sure this avenue will work for me and plus also second guess and lose all confidence and and question my every move and wonder what the hell I'm thinking and other really bold, dynamic things that could go through someone's head...

[Femtastic goes to her computer and futzes around with things over at Yenta.com. Femtastic finds the "want to cancel your subscription?" button, conveniently located hiding right under a rock behind a couch under a sheet in a locked closet marked "radioactive waste - do not enter!" and almost, barely, pretty much doesn't but practically does click it. But doesn't click it. Mostly.]

Femtastic: I'll decide about this later on, like maybe right before midnight tonight.

Next day...

Femtastic: Crap, crap, crap, I never went back to Yenta.com! I'll bet they totally charged my credit card for another three months! Crap!

[Clicks through the website and finds what sure looks to her like her subscription has been cancelled. Seriously, she really did look and see stuff saying "you're not subscribed anymore. You want to play, you gotta pay beotch. We don't love you anymore." but in marketing-eeze. She breaths a sigh of relief and vows to think of it no more that day.]

Next day...

[She probably mowed her lawn, or there may have been a movie or a nap. Or a movie about a nap? I'd see that movie...]

Next week day, which was probably the next day or the one after that...

Femtastic: I'd better write the post about what I decided to do about Yenta.com. For my loyal readers, whom I hate to leave hanging. [type, type, typity-type, pithy cute things that are witty and clever and which I will be oh so smug about having written...] Let's see, what was the exact wording from the website that said that I was no longer of the body? Why, I'll just go to the site and see!

[clicks to Yenta.com, where they welcome her with open, loving arms and ask "where have you been the last couple of days? What did you do this weekend? You look like you got a little sun -- did you get some sun?" and in no place say that she isn't signed up. Femtastic checks the subscription status page, and where she was really, really sure that it said "nobody here loves you until we get more money!" it now says "we love, love, love you so much -- at least for the next 3 months. Oh, and thanks for that $60 that we took from your bank account."]

Femtastic: Damn you, Yenta.com! I wish I could quit ya! (winkies to everyone who got that.) I'm writing such a strongly worded email like you would not believe!! You'll be sorry, you will!

[writes an email that could possibly be referred to as "scathing" or at least cranky. Sends the email. Eagerly awaits the apologetic reply. Waits, waits, waits...]


WILL Yenta.com ever reply to Femtastic's email?
WILL she get a refund on her subscription charge?
WILL she ever find love, online or offline?
STAY TUNED! (for like, a day or so. Nothing like January of next year. Seriously, blink and I'll be back.)

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