Sunday, May 06, 2007

Either I'm cynical or she's CRAZY.

Beautiful Dreamer is playing the field again, bless her big, old, squishy heart. It's not that she's ditched the previously happy-find-dude, but since he lives out of town (a 45-min drive) and they're not overly serious yet she decided there was no reason she should stop keeping her options open. This, by the way, is one of those rare times that I totally agreed with her!

So through her online dating site of choice (something like "Big Ol' Fans o' Jesus Who Are Lookin' for") she's got another 2-3 guys on the line. She's quite skilled at this! One fellow is what she would call "forward" or what I would call "Run, Run, RUN AWAY from the crazy man!" We are clearly coming at this from very different perspectives.

What do I mean? OK, here's a good example. She's not yet met this man, OK? I think it's important that we establish this fact and refer to it often. (don't worry, I'll handle that part.) So far it's been some emails and a few phone calls. During a recent phone call they were making plans to meet. Meet for the first time, remember!

Many options were tossed out, including a drive to the coast which is about an hour away. At which point he starts on this very bizarre train of thought:

"Of course if we go to the coast for dinner we'd be there pretty late. We'd have to drive back late. Unless we stayed the night? I have friends who live on the coast and I'm sure we could stay there. Or we could go to a hotel? Of course we'd get seperate rooms. Or if we didn't I assure you that I'm a complete gentleman. I mean even if you ended up lying in my arms you'd be totally safe..."

In the space of one paragraph we go from "hey, we should meet some time." to "I promise I wouldn't grope you too badly if we slept in a hotel room together. You know, that first time I ever meet you." Gah!

Or there was the time they were talking on the phone (probably about how they couldn't pick eachother out of a line up, seeing as they have NEVER MET) and Mr. Quickie McQuickerton announces that he (on a walk as they chat) has arrived at his dream house. He then proceeds to describe this house, it's features, price, location etc., because she needs to come by at some point and look at it and decide if she likes it too, since they couldn't live in it if she didn't like it. Once they'd met. Ever. Since they haven't yet met at all. EVER.

Oh, and also that she has a kid named (false name now) Kate and he has one named (also false name) Kaitlin, so "they'd have two Kates." They. That family would contain 2 Kates. That family that hasn't actually even met yet, but please let's be sure to contemplate the name challenges and pick out the house and practice the story of how we met to tell our Grandkids, assuming that we ever do meet. BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT EVEN MET YET!

She tells me these stories and she's all a giggle and a twitter and a piffle and preen and "isn't he cute? Isn't he sweet? Isn't he duckie?" Where as in my head I'm thinking "isn't he stalkie? Isn't he clingy? Isn't he the guy I'll be giving a statement about after he meets you, claims you and then kills you in some terribly romantic murder suicide!!!!" I sure won't be able to say to the news anchor from Channel 5 "Gosh, it sure was a surprise. He didn't seem at all like the type." Man oh man does he seem like the type! Look in Wikipedia under "the type" and we might be able to see what this guy looks like, for I'm sure he's pictured proudly.

I don't know exactly why her pursuits for online wove are so much more productive then mine. I'd ask her if she's doing anything special, but I can't tell her that I'm doing anything at all, so that's out. But I can't help if wonder whether part of the difference is deep-seeded in our ways of looking at this stuff. Because she finds each new facet cool and fascinating, where as I'm seeing the prologue to a Lifetime movie-for-women around every corner.

Oh well, maybe I am making murderous, calamitous mountains out of nervous, twitchy little molehills. If not I guess I could get up at her memorial service and tell everybody "I told her so." Once they've actually met. (shudder...)

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