Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I’ve got a new strategy. I’m going to learn the ways of the lonely, lonely nerd, and then I’m going to travel to where they congregate (someplace like a gaming store or… well pretty much a gaming store) and I’m going to conquer them and become their queen.

Here’s the deal: all my dude friends from childhood, who are very cool now, and who have wives, HOT wives, and kids and actual lives and everything? Well, they all started out as hard-core, 20-sided dice rolling, Car-Wars playing, Star Trek-quoting nerds. And thus began my unavoidable love of the nerd. And even though they’ve left many of their nerd ways behind, they’re still total nerds at heart.

These soft, nerdy inner-core has shown itself recently when they decided to do an email version of D&D. Yes, THAT D&D. Dungeons, and also while they’re at it, Dragons. And in the ULTIMATE nerd compliment, they’ve asked me to adventure with them! And while many a cool and/or popular girl would be unable to prevent themselves from laughing out-loud, I find it to be a great honor and I ALSO am totally jazzed about doing it!

I see it this way: it incorporates many of my favorite things (writing, games, an excuse to wear a cloak and possibly carry a sword, legitimate use of the word “forsooth”) and will mostly be done in the secret inner-sanctum of my home! Oh sure, you guys know about it. But you’ll tell no one. I know you’ll keep my secret. (heck, if you’re gonna tell any of my secrets I’d start with the one about the sex tape!)

Lest you think I’ll wake up tomorrow, put on my skinny jeans (god do I love these jeans – I’ll tell you about them some other time) and fancy shoes and come to my senses I will tell you that I’ve already committed to the quest: I bought a manual. I went into a game store, which was rich with nerdy atmosphere, and asked for a D&D Players Handbook, and was informed that there are many editions (I asked for the shiniest one) and gave him many duccets and left, my head held high! (hidden under the VERY LARGE brim of a floppy hat, of course, but still mostly high…)

I know what you’re thinking: “Oh yeah, when I think of D&D players I think “total chick magnet”. You’re TOTALLY gonna attract someone this way!”

That’s just what I was thinkin’ too.

So I guess now I create my characters (I’m waffling between half-elf narcoleptic hooker or dragonborn accountant with a fear of wool and words that end in “-ogy”) and then we begin our exciting questy quest of adventure and fun! (PS: I’m so going to die a virgin. Even though I’ve had sex.)

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