Thursday, March 22, 2007

I Call Shenanigans!

I'm sorry, maybe I'm bitter or I'm projecting my personal drawbacks on the rest of the world, but I refuse to accept that this many people exercise 3-5 times each week! It's just not realistic. It's not believable!

And YET that seems to be true of practically every single guy on

Excercise? "3-5 times a week"

Diet? "Keep it healthy"

Body Type? "Slender. Athletic. Chiselled and also God-like. Want to lick me? Go ahead, lick me. I taste like strawberries!"

So then just I have to ask: are they lying? OR are they terrible, puppy-kicking, non-rewinding people? Because if they WERE all those things they claim to be -- "kind, funny, smart, generous, gives to the poor, sings with woodland critters, this close to finding a cure for cancer" -- WHY WOULD THEY HAVE TO BE DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR LOVE? ONLINE? It just doesn't add up. (and I recently got a big old A in a college math course, so I'm uniquely confident in my math skills.)

I know this because I know some good guys. And all of the good guys that I know are involved; just about all are, in fact, officially married. We women, as a gender, don't tend to let the good ones stay available for too long. Quality men are just like simple yet comfortable black pumps on clearance -- practically impossible and therefore immediately snatched up!

So I could believe that there would be some gems out there, but according to there is a great big pile of perfect, fabulous, drop-dead gorgeous guys out there just desperately trying to get a date.

Oh, and also later there will be terrible flocks of monkeys come flying out of my butt. It's gonna be awesome.

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