Tuesday, March 20, 2007

a proper excuse for all this madness

I know it's been pretty list-o-rific around here lately, and I apologize for that. Here are all the ways that I'm sorry about the abundance of lists:

1) I'm just regular sorry, like when you scuff someones fancy shoes.
2) I'm more sorry because I really want you guys to like me, so imagine there's now the offer to buy you new, non-scuffed shoes? That much sorry.
3) You guys see where I'm going with this by now, right? I can stop the joke?

Anyway, the following might end up being off-mission, but I'm not sure that will be clear to me until I'm done. It's a meme that was sent out to the universe, but since I am the CENTER of the universe it automatically means that I have-to, have-to, have-to do it. Apologies to all, but I do think this one has a little depth. (at least the questions. The answers are coming from me, so we're talking bottom-of-the-bathtub-20-min.-after-your-shower deep for answers.)

The Top 5 Reasons Why I Blog:

1) Hi, my name is Femtastic and I suffer from Acute Verbosiaphya-a-a-a. This is a very little known (some would say practically imaginary) syndrome where in your mind over-produces words. Words, words, words. Oh the words! They build up as un-used phrases and sentences and paragraphs, subsequently blocking your ability to then produce sentences when needed. Imagine the heartbreak of being asked if you want fries with that, and when you open your mouth you find yourself describing your personal feelings on the resurgence of velour in our nation's department stores. FOR TWENTY MINUTES!! There is no cure right now for Acute Verbociaphya-a-a-a, but a successful treatment for me appears to be to type out these words in a public area and send them out for the universe to digest. This blog, my friends, is treatment. Therapy. An alternative to Thorazine. Pitty on the drive-thru guy.

2) Structure, thy name is blog! I have been thinking more and more that writing could be the key to my finally finding a career which does not make me hate every weekday, but before I could even think of such a thing I need to prove to myself that I can set goals and hit them. So my big goal for this blog is to try to post, on average, once every couple of days. Does this mean I actually do post every other day? Let me introduce you to my friend the weekend! (in other words, "No, but I have real good excuses!") But if by the end of March I've got 15-16 posts for the month I'll consider myself doing real good.

3) Building a community. Or something like that. (and hey, the membership roster for the Secret Bloggers Society is still wide open, people!) Honestly, an unforseen bonus to this process has been how exciting it is to me each time someone new starts coming through. (Courtney, you are so very pretty and vivacious! Never stop being you!) If I didn't start blogging for that reason it's sure one of the reasons I keep going.

4) To meet dudes! (actually if I meet dudes through this avenue it will mean two things: 1. I'm doing this totally wrong AND 2. that is the only dude that might actually be up for the challenge!) But the blog did provide me the excuse/reason/inspiration to at least try the online dating thing. Regardless of whether I make any significant connections online I can say I did it, I can say I know what all it entails and I can know if I should ever want to try it again. (or if I'd rather eat a yummy glass casserole -- or "glasserole" -- instead!)

5) Humiliation with a catharsis chaser. The cocktail of today. It helps to have somewhere to go to vent when my good friend, the Universe, feeds me a mouthful of foot (kicks me in the teeth, for anyone who is lost by my "masterful" imagery). Rejected by a guy? Write it out! Rejected by another guy? Write it out! Rejected by a whole bunch of guys? (it's coming, it's coming!) This helps me to check my response to it all and make sure I'm taking it just as seriously as I should, which would be not even a tiny bit at all, at all, at all!

So that, my loving and generous readers (and you know who you are), are the reasons why I will sit down at my computer at 12:45am on a Sunday and spend 40 minutes typilly vomitting my brain-stuff into these little forms. Because if I don't, I'll be alone, bitter and unstructured, sitting on the floor in the corner babbling. More then I already do.

And yeah, this is off-mission. Sorry about the scuffed shoes.

No comments: